Ramblings...

Been doing some motherhood contemplating lately. Kinda in a funk right now. Ya know that feeling. Its not one thing in particular that is bothering me, just a whole bunch of little things. Thiago's new position has made my already busy husband even busier. He leaves the house by 6:30 am every day and doesn't get home til about 6:00 pm, he shoves in dinner and then he heads off for either soccer or his young men's activity. I think to many long days, cooped up with three rambuctious little boys is taking a toll on me. Its like I am desperate for some adult interaction throughout the day but by the time he finally gets home, and I finish up getting the kids to bed and exercising we are both too tired to be much company to each other. I think I am missing him. I feel lonely. I hate feeling that way, like every day is just like the one before. Monotnous.

After a few days of feeling kinda blah...I gave myself a mental smack and told myself to snap out of it. Monotony....is it really so bad??

No, it means I have a home, I have an income, I have a hard working husband, I have three, healthy, active and very much alive children. I have healthy and well extended family, my country is safe, my testimony is strong....what more am I looking for.

I felt like a spoiled little brat for feeling bored and whiney. I am so very blessed and I had better recognize that.

So, as I have at many times in my life. I started looking for the simple pleasures. How easy it is to forget amongst the chaos of everyday life. No more self pitying over the small, out patient surgery I have coming up. At least it is not life threatening, at least it is a problem that is about to become resolved. No more rolling my eyes at my two big boys who keep fighting over the same stupid pirate sword, at least they are at home together both strong and healthy, not seperated by illness or disease that seems to be appearing all over the place lately. No more frusteration at feeling like all I do is wipe noses, and fill juice cups, and taxi cab around, and settle fights and disagreements and reason with unruly 3 year olds why it isn't appropriate to yell out at his sunbeams teacher that he hates her. Yes, he said that....do you think I wanted to slap him. At least it is me that is at home and doing these things, at least I am the one who is alive and well and able to raise my own children.

I made a commitment to stop feeling blah and to start remembering all that I have, all that I am capable of. Naturally, when looking for my life's greatest blessings it always turns to these three....

You better believe I still have the moments throughout the day where I look around and think to myself is this really my life right now, is Carson six years old and STILL can't get to sleep on his own, does Lincoln quite possibly have the worst mouth any three year old has EVER had, why oh why must my baby keep messing with my fake potted plant, kid leave it ALONE!!!!

But there are so many good moments, amazing moments, moments that make me remember why I wanted to be a mom in the first place.



(yep, this was one of them. Early morning and these two are in my bed asleep. Lincoln stirs and opens his eyes, looking for me or Thiago, can't find either of us so he finds his baby brother instead. Cuddled right up. My heart skipped a beat.)



(Another one I don't want to forget. Drakey bug is a noon napper, he is always ready to close his eyes around the time I take carson to school. So everyday on the way to school, the little guy tuckers out. Carson is convinced it is because he tickles Drake's face to sleep. I don't have the heart to tell him Drake would close his eyes regardless of the tickling...Carson is sure he is the one that has the magic touch.



(Went down to Thiago's office last Saturday to help him do a little clean-up and redecorate. Who knew all the joy that could come from a dry erase board??)






Oh these babes are mine. I love them. It is miraculous to me, watching the bond that is forming before my eyes every single day between them. They are brothers, what a sacred relationship. The other day Carson said to me with a smile "mom, Drakey-bug is just so cute, every time I look at him he is just so soft that I just have to squeeze him". And Lincoln boy at bedtime gave us a real good laugh, Carson was talking and Lincoln was too busy goofing around and didn't hear, he turned to Carson and said "what, what did you say my brother". Oh heavens...these boys. Just when I think I can't stand them for another minute and they had better go to sleep or I will lose my sanity they go and say things like that. They know just what gets me. I am truly blessed...and I won't forget it!