Who Is She??

My mom I mean?? The other day I was looking through one of my old scrapbooks, and I mean old...the very first one I did. There is a picture of my mom in there. She is pregnant with Ashley, very cutely pregnant. You know the type, skinny face and arms, can't even tell they are pregnant from behind....just the cute tiny little basketball in their belly. Anyways, she is sitting at our kitchen table. The table is set, ready for dinner. We must have been having hamburgers or something cause their is slices of tomatoes and lettuce on plates. I see her old dishes, the decorations on her walls, the two highchairs sitting next to her that are meant for Jenny and I. I wondered about this pretty young lady smiling back at me from the picture. Her head cocked to the side, her hair pulled back in a bun. A tired yet content look on her face. Who is she??

I know the mom I remember. The lady who was always braiding our dolls hair, making us a homemade breakfast each and every morning. The mom who used to start my bath water for me (even when I was 16 years old), the same lady who would pull my bed down each night and turn on my electric blanket to make sure my bed was nice and toasty when I got in. The mom who would gladly slide over in her bed and welcome me in if I had a bad dream. The one who spent hours wallpapering and carpeting our barbie house. The one who made my Halloween costume each year, from scratch I might add. The one who was always volunteering to be the classroom mom, or filling in on fieldtrips. The one who left an I love you in my homemade lunch. The same mom who sat in the middle of a dressing room floor, while 3 teenage girls tried on piles and piles of back to school clothes. The mom who took me shopping for temple clothes and my wedding dress. The mom who stood next to me in the temple with tears in her eyes as she adjusted my veil. This is the mom I remember, but who is she??

I wonder what she was thinking in that picture. What was she worried about. What items on her to-do list had she crossed off that day. What was she looking forward to. What was she going to do with her evening after she put me and Jenny to bed. What were her fears, goals, problems, likes, dislikes. I wonder. What kind of young mother was she, what kind of woman was she. Would we have been friends if we were neighbors or in the same ward. Its just interesting to think about. To me now, she is my best friend, the one I am trying to become. However, she was 30 years old when she had Jenny and I. I haven't even been alive that long yet. It is weird to me to think, she had a whole other life before I came along. It seems like once I was born, we became her life.

Of course I could ask her all of these questions now. However, her memory has faded somewhat, and I am sure she wouldn't tell me everything. Just a thought I had. I would have loved to get a glimpse of her life back then. Watch her, follow her, learn from her....anyways.










Years from now, when my kids are all grown up and they are reading through this post I want them to get a glimpse of me. ME, not the mom but the person, the woman that I am. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in mom mode, you feel like that is all you have become. So here you go kids, just a few random statements about your mom and what makes her, her.

I love the feeling of a clean house, I love to walk through my home when all is clean and shiny and just enjoy it.

I am an old-fashioned kind of girl. I believe that men have their roles and women have theirs. And very seldom do I like to cross those. I do ALL the cleaning, laundry, and homemaking while I except your dad to do the lawn, car care, and repairs.

I check in on each of you every single night before I go to bed. I love to see your warm little bodies all tucked in and breathing soundly.

I believe the most important thing I can give you is the knowledge that your parents love each other and love you.

I have always been a self-assured person. Not cocky, just comfortable in my own skin. I never have paid much attention to what others think, just doesn't matter to me. I am trying my hardest to instill that in you guys.

I love to smell you when I am kissing you. Especially after your baths, I could just drink that sweet scent in.

I am quick to forgive. I have never been one to hold a grudge.

I love to lay next to you and watch movies or read. I think Carson has figured out that if he will play with my hair, I will lay there a little longer.

I love the fact that you are half Brazilian. I think I am just as proud of your heritage as your dad is. Embrace it, they are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. I am so glad that their blood runs through your veins.

I am a list maker. I start off every day with a checklist. If I do something later that wasn't on my list, I add it just for the sake of checking it off.

I want to be the kind of mom that you walk into the room, and see me on my knees, praying to our Heavenly Father. I strive hard to set the example, I know I fall short. But I try.

I think we all know, you will never be pet owners. I am sorry kids, I just can't do it.

I am not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. I very much like planning, order, and organization. My world gets very chaotic when things don't go according to my plan.

Not one minute goes by that I don't look at you, and thank my heavenly father for being your mom. Not one. I truly don't think I ever take you for granted. I know how blessed I am.

I can be a tad over dramatic, just a tad.

My parents divorce still hurts, after all these years that pain just never goes away.

I cannot dance or carry a tune to save my life, however I love to pick you up, spin around and just belt out some crazy tune. I think you love it too.

As much as I love you kids, I love your dad even more. He is my one and only and after all these years still makes my heart beat a little bit faster.

A coke, celebrity magazine and my bubble bath are the perfect ending to my day.

I worry about you all the time. ALL THE TIME! Whether it is the little things, like do you watch too much TV, you don't eat enough, or your sensitive, dry skin. Or the big things....your health, what if you have a hard time making friends or even worse you fall into the wrong crowds. I wouldn't be a mom if I didn't worry.

No one can make me laugh like your dad can. He gets me, like no one else does.

I love the way your little voices say "mama", I still can't believe it is me that gets to answer to that.

I am fiercely protective when it comes to the ones I love. Your dad, you kids, my mom and sisters. If you want to see my claws come out, try messing with one of them. I would do ANYTHING for them.

I love to open my windows on a cool, spring day. I am very much a smell-oriented person. I love the way the fresh air lightens my home.

I am not a chocolate eater...give me the fruity stuff. Dots, its all about the Dots.

I am all about dressing for the holidays, I love to have us all coordinate and match. I am sure you have never noticed that.

I have my deep, dark struggles just like everyone else. I try my hardest to keep them buried and to overcome them. Sometimes they sneak out, and I thank-you for your understanding and love.

I vaccuum at least once a day, I love the lines.

I love to get my hands in dirt. May is my favorite time of year.

I never truly understood the saying "Having a child is making the decision to let your heart go walking around outside your body" until you guys came along. Every time you walk out that door a pretty big piece of my heart goes with you.

Our family is the very most important thing to me. I love you and your dad more than life itself and am so grateful to call you all mine.

Love, Mom