Lincoln's 4th

This boy turned 4 this past Saturday. My kids' birthdays always get me sentimental, each for a different reason. Carson is the oldest, usually just can't stand the fact that I have a kid that old. Drake is my baby, and nobody likes to see their baby grow up. Lincoln's is always a little different though. He is my Thanksgiving baby. I know I have mentioned it on here before about the circumstances surrounding him. We had tried for over 2 1/2 years for another baby. Had 2 back to back miscarriages and then went 18 months straight not being able to get pregnant. I think back on that time of my life and I don't have happy memories. It was hard. I am so not proud of the way I handled it all, wish I could have learned that life lesson a little easier. Wish I could have remembered to count my many blessings instead of hurting so bad over something that was out of my control. It was a long, hard lesson to learn. Our lives do not always go according to our plan. There is a bigger plan, following our Heavenly Fathers timeline not ours. Luckily for me, after the trials and tribulations cometh the blessings. My Lincoln. Born 6 days before Thanksgiving of 2008. Oh my heart was humbled that year. I will never forget that moment where they handed him to me. Of all my children, that moment was the sweetest, the dearest. My tears flew down my cheeks, I couldn't contain them. Oh how I had wanted this sweet babe. His pregnancy wasn't without stress, I bled on and off through the whole first trimester. Received countless priesthood blessings that all would be well for me and this unborn child. Made it half way and was told their was a problem with his umbillical cord. I was on pins and needles for the nine longest months of my life. I pleaded with my father in heaven to watch over his spirit, to bring him to me whole and sound. I knew my fragile little heart would not recover over another lost baby. November finally came, and on a Monday afternoon he was born. 6 pounds, 6 ounces. A tiny little thing with a big ol' set of lungs. He was so funny looking. The goofiest hair. Thin and long. Looked oily all the time. His eyes were so puffy and sunken in. Pink, stretchy skin covering his little chicken legs. Never had I seen anything so beautiful. That whole first day you could not pull him from my arms. I kept him snuggled right up against me, watched his sweet little lips just latch right on. All the pain of the past few years just washed away in this tiny little gift of perfection. He screamed his entire first night. I didn't care. I remember walking him around that tiny little room. My body does not do well after childbirth, it lashes back out at me for all I have put it through. I remember feeling miserable, aching and just all together yucky. The nurses kept coming and asking me if they could take him for me so I could just rest. I told them no, I needed him and he needed me. After all I had waited a long time for this, and I wanted to feel every single part of it. The good and the bad. I was a mama again. I carried it proud.

I don't think a Thanksgiving will ever pass where I don't think back on the birth of my boy. Heaven knows this kid tests me. He pushes me to the limit every single day. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine a child like this. He truly carries a fire down in his soul that sparks at any given time. Whether its good or bad. Anything can ignite it. But oh, what would my life be like without him. I carry such a soft spot for my middle child. I look in those golden eyes and my soul sees his soul. He is harder to read than my other two. He can be so very different depending on his surroundings. He is stubborn, and strong and bull headed. However being his mom I see right through this. Carson has always been so self assured and confident. He truly doesn't care one lick of what people think about him. He is who he is, and I am so proud of that. My Lincoln boy puts up a strong front but on the inside is a little one that is just begging to be loved, accepted, and wanted. I hope and pray that I am giving him what he needs. That I can love and nurture and fine tune this massive little spirit. I hope he knows what an irreplaceable gift in our lives he is. He is the life and laughter of our home. He pierces me to my very soul and I couldn't love him anymore. It has been a wild and crazy 4 years spent with my boy and I am grateful for every single second of it. What a boy he is, and I am so proud to call him mine.

Onto the rest of this post...don't get me started on loving my kids, I'm sure you know by now that is one subject I have alot to say on :)

His fun started when he received some birthday money in the mail from his Grandma Williams. We headed to where else but Walmart to spend it. He first picked out a game for his Mobigo, then he changed his mind and wanted a batman sword, then sneaky butt Carson swooped in and talked him into a power ranger toy. Of course Lincoln will do anything that big brother of his says and we left with the Power Ranger toy. I tried to tell him to stick with the Batman sword cause I knew that was what he really wanted. However he insisted it was the Power Ranger. It has now been over a week, Lincoln doesn't have much to do with it and Carson has taken it over. Uh-huh. Saw that coming. Big brothers....honestly.

Elle Belle also received her birthday money and picked out a little Barbie, she insisted on me taking her picture as well. I was too willing to oblige. Love my girl.

Next day in Preschool, he got to bring a poster all about him and treats for the class. Here is his poster. Now something like this is right up Carson's alley, Lincoln...not so much. I had to beg him to finish this thing. He colored one line and said he was done.

He chose doughnuts for his class treats.

Saturday night was his big party. I get the biggest charge out of my kids' birthday parties, keep telling myself I should just make it simple, yet every year that doesn't happen. Oh well. They love it and so do I.

He chose Angry Birds theme. Which once again I think had a bit to do with Carson. What can I say, he idolizes that older brother.

We had street tacos, lil' smolkies, green salad, and 7-layer dip. Oh so freaking good. It even tasted good to me, which sometimes doesn't happen when you are hosting.

And present time. He was dying to dig onto those.

I absolutely love birthdays with my nieces and nephews. So many kids and all of them are still so young. They just go crazy watching the birthday kid open their gifts. I swear all their eyes about bug out of their head. Always a few tears and fights over not sharing, not belonging to them, parents not wanting to open all the packages right then...you know how it is.

My kids are so dang lucky. So many people that love them. So grateful for our supportive families, thanks to all of you who came. You made his night, and that makes my night.

Cake time. All he told me was it had to be chocolate. I made it easy on myself and ordered from Costco. My sister introduced me to Costco cakes a few years ago and they are ridiculously yummy. They don't really decorate with the themes though, so I just chose the balloons and then added the Angry Birds on myself. It works. Linc was happy.

His haul by the end. Him and Carson have been playing non stop with the Imaginext castle and accessories. Way to go me on picking that out. They love it.

And that's a birthday wrap. I will be back in a few days with fun little facts about my 4 year old. Until then, just know he is the greatest little guy in the universe and we love him so.

Happy birthday Lincoln Rana Fana!! We love you!