One year ago today..

One year ago tonight...there I sat in that hospital room. Having delivered my second child a few hours earlier. I sat there, in that joke of a hospital bed feeling yucky and very tired and a little overwhelmed. Surrounded by our friends and family all coming by to congratulate us. Missing and worrying about my little Carson, wondering how he was adapting to all this and if he was doing okay with his grandparents. In the middle of all that, there lays my little newborn....bundled up in those funny little hospital blankets. Squished up, puffy little face. Pouty lips, all that crazy long hair that just kinda stuck to his head. Even that first night, he made his personality known. I remember Thiago and I up at 3:00 in the morning trying to calm him. The nurses kept coming saying they would just take him so I could rest but I was bound and determined that this one would take to breastfeeding. I wasn't giving up that easy, but boy oh boy did he have a set of lungs.


And here he is now...I still remember the way it felt to hold him for the first time. Watching his little lips against my skin, just sucking away. The way his whole little body would shake when he cried. Those long, skinny little legs. I was in love, still am. That little wee one, is growing and growing fast. As I type this he sits at my feet playing with an empty water bottle, occasionally looking up at me and babbling. I didn't want this day to come, but come it has. We are officially past that first year. It has been a year that I will treasure always. I have truly enjoyed every little stage of his baby days. Look back with me..


One week old, his very first Thanksgiving. Boy, was I ever counting my blessings.


One month old, all bundled up in his carseat. I used to love the way he looked all snuggled in there, fit for a king.


2 months old...the day he received his name and a blessing by his worthy priesthood holder of a dad.


3 months old, showing off one of his very first smiles.


4 months old, my baby in a bumbo.


5 months old. Start of those chubby cheeks, nickname Bujao is started. Which in portugese means little tank.


1/2 a year old, time is moving much to quickly.


7 months old...


8 months old, that big ol' smile just melts my heart.


9 months old, getting busier and busier each and every day.


10 months old.


11 months old, he is officially into anything and everything.


And finally today, wraps up the big number 12. 12 months old!

Don't get me wrong I am excited for each and every stage he enters. I don't know what makes me feel so sad tonight though. I think the thing is, and it is kinda hard to explain, but...I waited so long for him. I had my heart broken over and over again as I was trying to bring him into this world. Lost 2 babies, months and months of trying to conceive just to have the world come crashing down around me when I discovered that once again it hadn't worked. I so wanted another baby and all the sudden when I had all but given up....I was pregnant. My prayers were answered we got past those first 12 weeks and this one didn't end in a miscarriage. Made it into the third trimester, only to be told I had problems with my umbillical cord and we needed to watch him closely. I knew though, I knew this boy was meant to make it. And make it he did...born at 39 weeks. 6 pounds, 6 ounces. That little baby represented so much for me, he was the little person I had been dreaming of for 3 long years. He was a part of the babies I had lost, he was a renewal of my faith in a loving heavenly father who is forever watching out for us. A father in heaven who knew what was best for my family, he reminded me that our lives are on his timeline not ours. So yes, that baby meant alot to me. Selfishly I have wanted to hold on to that little newborn, not to let him grow. But growing he is, and with each passing month that little guy is etched deeper and deeper into my heart. So deep it hurts. Him and his brother, nothing in this life has ever meant so much to me as this blessing of motherhood. My tears are falling, but this is my journal, my blog...and years from now I want my boys to know that they are and always have been my number one. The single most important thing in my life. My most treasured blessings. You can take it all away from me...our home, our health, money, possessions...none of that matters to me. Always and forever all I ever need is those babies and their dad, my little forever family.



Enough sap, my little forever family and I went out to dinner for the Bujaou's birthday. Applebee's, with just the four of us all in celebration of our Lincoln.


Look at my man, no wonder my boys are so handsome.


Me and my oldest, my first little love.

On a sidenote...I can't believe I am even documenting this but its funny and I gotta remember. Carson turns to me at dinner, all serious like and asks "mom, why did you want to wear a boys shirt today". Not kidding, his words exactly. Thanks Carson. This shirt is from Nordstroms, thank-you very much...what does he know.


Happy, happy birthday to my little one year old. We love our baby and cannot imagine this little Cano family without him. Thank-you my boy for 365 days worth of absolute sunshine, you are a such a joy in our lives and we are forever grateful for November 17, 2008.