Kindergarten!

Big old sigh...it's been a loooong day, a long week really. I am sure the last thing some people would want to do at the end of a not so good day is sit down and blog. However, me, it is exactly what I want to do. Blogging is therapeutic for me. Capturing little moments of my most precious little ones and putting into words the thoughts behind them. I love it...I thrive on it. It is my time, my creative outlet and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Tonight is particulary sweet cause my two big boys are all tucked in my bed, snuggled up to their dad watching a show, and my littlest of loves is sprawled across me, sound asleep. His chubby little cheeks are smashed against my chest, his hair damp with sweat and he smells like a delicious combination of his bath soap and baby lotion. Perfect ending to the day. Perfect.

I guess I must be just way to sentimental of a mom, but this week was hard on me. I'll admit it. I am that mom that wiped silent tears away after dropping off my Kindergartner for his very first day. I ducked my head sheepishly and tried to hide under my hat as I made my way back to the car. Embarrassed as others looked at my oddly. Yeah, I just dropped off my firstborn, in the hands of a complete stranger for what is the beginning of his school career, and I am bawling like a baby. Whats it to you. I can't be the first, and I know I sure as heck won't be the last.




But I'll tell you one thing. That Kindergartener sure does make me proud. My heart feels like it is about to burst when I think of this kid. He was scared. Plain and simple. However, he met the challenge head on. He kept that little chin up and he tried his darndest to put on a brave face. And he did it. He survived that first week. My heart feels a little weaker, but he did it.


We chose the afternoon session. Works better for me and my schedule. We get up early, get our housework done, all of us get ready, drop off my boy and then run a few errands with just 2 kids instead of 3. Works out good. We started out his day with a good breakfast. His choice.


He was a little over zealous in his choosing. Couldn't narrow it down so he requested all of his favorites. Powdered sugar pancakes, sausage, and scrambled eggs. Breakfast of champions.


My sweet boys. Heck they sure can fight like the dickens, but this week has proven to me that they really do love each other. Poor Lincoln, wanders the house like he has lost his best friend. Asks me over and over again, when can we go get Carsey. Poor kid, the minute Cars gets home they are just stuck to each others sides. Its sweet.


Got my boy all ready for his first day....I think he looks so incredibly handsome. And so grown-up. I hate it.


And then we went on to take a million pictures.....which of course I had trouble narrowing down.






Love this one...captures the green in his eyes just splendidly. I think it is so funny that Drake is the only one out of my 3 boys to get his dads dark eyes. The other two are a little lighter, with flecks of green.


One with little brother...


and then we were off.

I need to write this next part down for myself. If you feel bored go ahead and skip it but I can't leave it undocumented.

Here comes the hard part for me. We pulled up in to the parking lot and my boy just got quieter and quieter. He took his time getting out of the car, pretending to fiddle with his seatbelt and backpack. Kept asking me silly little questions. I could tell he was stalling. Oh my heck, he was trying so hard to be excited but I could see the fear in his eyes plain as day.

We headed on in, his little hand gripping mine tighter and tighter as we got closer. His little eyes were darting everywhere, trying to take it all in. His one free hand constantly tugging at his ear which is what he does when he's nervous.

We walked in the front doors and there stood his teacher. We got Mrs. M which is who we requested. She's great. Just like a little grandma should be. Right away she remembered him, she asked about his trip and told him how excited she was for him to be here. Won her some major brownie points in my eyes.

Once almost everyone had arrived she led us all down to the classroom. Cars paused to look at her bulletin board (decorated with Clifford), he was impressed. She led those little ones into the classroom, started directing the kids to hang up their backpacks and find a spot at the table.

I gave him a tight squeeze, told him I was proud of him and I loved him and then pointed him in the right direction. I started slowly, oh so slowly towards the door. I knew it was time to go. My boy stood there, right there in the middle of the room with a look of sheer terror. I could tell he was trying so hard to be brave, but it just wasn't happening. The teacher walked near him, I gave a final wave which he half smiled at and I left the room.

The tears flowed. There I was going about the rest of my day. I ran to buy some stamps, I stopped at the produce stand, I got Mcdonalds for Lincoln while getting my groceries. It was a normal day for me, normal Monday routine. However, I knew my boy was back there with pure anxiety and there was not one thing I could do about it. His little challenge and he had to face it all on his own.

I know, I know it is Kindergarten for crying out loud. What can I say. I love my kids and this was a first for us.

It was the longest 3 hours of my life, wondering how he was.

Finally, 3:25 arrives and I am front and center out there in front of his school. His teacher leads them all out the big double doors in two little lines. My boy is right there near the back, the teacher kinda yells at two of the boys to get back in line. Not Carson, just two other kids. She didn't yell rudely just kind of loud, to get their attention. I saw Carson straighten and get rigid, his hands gripped the straps of his backpack even harder. And I knew what the last 3 hours had been like for him. He had been a nervous little mess the entire time. It broke my heart.

Parents started to trickle up and collect their children. I stepped forward, his eyes met mine in pure relief and I could see the tears just swelling, waiting to be released. He tried his best to look and sound excited, but come on I am his mama and I knew how hard it had been for him. I asked him if he was alright, and if he wasn't that was okay, it would get easier. A little tear trickled down, he hugged my leg, burrying his little head against me, and whispered I just missed you.

Every day has gotten better. Although I know it has been an exhausting week for him. He hasn't eaten a whole lot, has had a hard time getting to sleep each night, has asked me millions of questions and told me lots of little stories, I know his mind has not been at rest. Which in turn makes my mind unable to rest.

My boy is a go getter, he is tough and brave and a natural leader. However he is also empathetic, tenderhearted, sensitive, he thrives on praise and affection, he is a people pleaser. Kindergarten is very different from preschool, I know this has been a monstrous change for him. The first of many little situations in life he will have to adapt to. How hard it has been for me to just stand by and watch him go through it. I want so badly to stomp into that classroom with him, introduce him to all of the children, hold his hand as he is speaking, kiss his little knee that got scratched on the playground, praise him for his perfect "Carson" written on the top of his worksheet, remind the teacher to give him a little hug every now and then. However, I know it is not my fight, not my battle. This is something we all go through. Something he must face on his own. I hope I am raising him with enough love and self confidence and guidance that he can go out there in that world and do hard things. And thrive, and grow and always set the example for others to follow.

So I guess that is my wish for this year. To see my boy thrive and to always stay true to himself and the things we have taught him.

Yikes. It hard being a mom. All of these emotions from one simple week of Kindergarten. And trust me I know, it is only just beginning. Letting these kids step out on their own, make their own decisions, find their own way and praying just praying that they are going to be all right.



Don't worry...we had to stay after for his testing and I took this picture then. I didn't embarrass him on his first day and request it right then. No one else was around, just me and him.


And of course his afterschool snack request. Krispy Kreme's, what else.

So I guess thats it for now. One week behind us, only a few hundreds more to go.

Carson, I love you....and I am beyond proud of you. You did it my boy, and you will continue to do it.